Thursday, February 25, 2016


How much stuff in your house beeps at you?
I feel like our new place has an out of hand beeping situation, honestly.

Why all the beeping?
When did it become necessary to hear from every device in the house?

That refrigerator, sounding off every time the door opens...
Godammit, I opened the door, I know it's open.
You know when it doesn't beep in that open door scenario?
When the door is slightly ajar, the actual time one might appreciate some alert that icebox stands in silence.
(Minus the whir of the compressor, hopelessly trying to keep things cool.)

Dishwasher, sounds an alarm upon completion...
This dryer won't shut up until you physically turn it off, after use.
Coffee maker, signals the end of every obvious cycle.
The water pitcher/filter beeps, telling me to go buy another version of it's internal parts.
Hell, even the water heater occasionally cries out for attention, requiring a technician visit to shut it up.
There are, like, a dozen other things that beep as well, but let's just leave the list at that...

So much needless noise.

I can't wait for the internet of things to progress to the point that I get a text message every time I vainly search for a snack in the deepest depths of the frig, as I actually do that...
So that my phone can sing in beeping chorus, notifying me of things so readily apparent...

And let's just go ahead and put some LED lights in each and every item around us, to flicker a signal that they are powered, inert and/or unplugged, because I need that information as well.
I want to know that my fork is functioning correctly, before, during and between each use.
If if could beep to let me know it is ready to use, that would be great too...

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