Wrap Up

I had thought of blathering on about the year. Some sort of revisit of some of my resolutions from last year, a wrap up of where my head is and such. Maybe that is what this is, but I will try to keep it brief. There are only a few hours of this year left and I would hate to be the means by which you waste too many of them...

I am not really much of a resolution sort, to ring in a new year. The idea coming into 2011 was simply for me to be better. Just better. A better spouse, son, friend, person or whatever. I am not sure how I would score myself on that resolution. I suppose that would be more up to you, than me anyway.
I think I did better on most counts, sorta. Maybe not much better, but on some counts there was only room for improvement.
So, yeah...
I am probably heading into 2012 with the same resolution.


It sounds pretty simple, "be better."
Right?

It turns out it is challenging, quite.

I mean let us just start with the fact that I am an isolated, introverted, moody, contrary asshole. Prone to surliness and excess. Quick with an insult and all of that. I am pretty conscious of what a little shit I can be, but you know...
I am trying to be better.

Then there are the things I do daily. At what point does "being better" stop? I can also be quite compulsive, so the premise is right up my alley. Well, I am not really great at a whole lot of things. I get by, and I am getting better at some things. I am also trying to chill out on that compulsive part and be better at accepting good enough, when it is in fact good enough.
Trying to get better.

There is the thinking side of this process for me, too. Trying to reason some things out. Get better at thinking. You know, stuff like everyday bits. I have been trying to gain some grip on bigger ideas, as well. Shit like spiritualism and selfhood, big picture kind of stuff. I am not sure I have figured anything out, but I am making an effort at least.
Working on getting better.

Now that I have spelled this out, it sounds like some crap self-help book kind of fuck word pile. I got nothing to preach at you, here. I am just putting a bit of my personal weirdness out there for you to breeze over and maybe think about.


That's it, I guess.
It is sorta how I spent this year. What I have been trying to do...
I will keep after it.


Good luck, fortune and all of that in the coming year.