Iowa

So, am I the only person really stoked for Iowa right now?

They are getting sooo much attention, which is awesome. We only really talk about Iowa when there is some catastrophic flood or college sporting event...
And every four years, of course, when the nations most kiss-assy politicians descend on the state like vote whoring locusts.


Iowa.
Thanks for taking it up the butt, for the rest of us.


By which I mean, thanks for living with those fuckers for the past month or so.
Sure, we get to hear all about it. Every slack jawed political analyst, who has not suffered a horrible facial disfigurement, has been on some kind of news show spitting up about how important this moment is in the campaign.

But Iowa, you are there living with them. The candidates.
I assume you have lots of farms, Iowa, so the elephant stench might be less offensive to you than the rest of us. Still, you have my sympathy for enduring all of the dunderheaded attack ads, talking points pissers, robo-calls and diner visits of those slimey, invasive fuckers, their staffers and the herds of imbecile journalists.


With any luck, a few of the contemptuous candidates you are harboring will be discouraged enough to slink back to their home state fiefdoms and shut the fuck up, after your goofy caucusing.

Hopefully, Iowa, you can weed a few out for the rest of us.
Because, frankly, I am tired of hearing about the whole lot of them...